Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Avenger...ers


Don't get me wrong. I love The Avengers. I saw it a total of four times in theaters, and now own it on DVD. But every time I watch it... I can't help but feel, well, just slightly disappointed. Yeah Iron Man (obviously the best character) and Hawkeye (why does it always sound like 'hot guy' when you say it out loud? Really, try it.) are great, but if I was in charge, that script would have been a bit different. I was trying to pinpoint what exactly it was that gave me that subtle underwhelming feeling, when I realized with a start: the cast was all wrong. These heroes are great, but they could have been so much better.

So, I have decided to compile a new team of heroes. These are the Avengerers (or, the More Vengeful for all you grammar police out there, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it).

1.  Anyone who knows me well will be able to instantly predict who I am about to say first.
The Doctor. The Doctor is the main character in a British TV show called Doctor Who, and it truly is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Come to think about it, what is so great about sliced bread? Anyway, The Doctor would definitely be a great Avengerer. I mean, he saves the world on a daily basis anyway...

2. Gandalf. Perhaps the best character in the Lord of the Rings, he would bring some gravity to this group. Although we don't actually see him use magic all that often in the books or movies, he is certainly capable of more than we give him credit for.

3. Jason Bourne (from the Bourne trilogy). Although simply human, he possesses some wicked fighting skills (and even better driving skills). I mean, he can take out a house with a magazine and a toaster. And take out a hit man with a ballpoint pen. Plus, he's just, well, cool. There's just this aura of coolness surrounding him wherever he goes.

4. After recently seeing the movies and starting the books ( I just finished the third), I have come to realize that this young man deserves a place in the Avengerers. Harry Potter. Harry Potter definitely should be on this team. I mean, you never know when you'll need a well placed 'Expelliarmus'. Of course, the Doctor can probably do that simply with his Sonic Screwdriver, but Harry is capable of much more than just that. I mean, he defeated Vol— I mean, he-who-must-not-be-named more than a few times. Though it is nice of you-know-who to wait 'til the end of each school year to try and kill Harry. Even though he wants to take over the world and kill everybody, he still cares about Harry's education.

5. Being the trekkie (Star Trek Fan) that I am, I have to include the best character in the series. No, not Captain Kirk. Not even close. The character I am talking about is much, much better. He is, of course, Data. Data is from Star Trek TNG (The Next Generation), is an android (sort of like a super advanced robot. He looks human, except he has really pale skin, no emotions, and is a whole lot stronger and contains a whole lot more information than a normal human), and is by far my favorite character in the series. I have a feeling that Data and the Doctor would get along well, because they're both fond of spouting out really sci-fi-sounding-advanced-computer-techie stuff. Except Data actually knows what he's talking about.

6. Now, not many of you will know this next Avengerer. She is a literary character, and though I haven't read the books, my brother has assured me that she definitely belongs in the Avengerers, and encourages you to look it up. Her name is Maximum Ride. She started as an experiment in a government-lab-top-secret-evil-safe-house-thing. As a result, she has wings, can fly, and does other cool things. She belongs here, in the Avengerers.

So, we have our team. I've spent some time thinking about how they would interact with each other, and come to the conclusion that The Doctor would automatically take charge (because he always does), but Gandalf would actually be the backbone that holds this team together. Harry Potter meanwhile, would be annoyed that he wasn't in charge (because he usually is) and also be miffed that he's the youngest on the team (actually Max might be younger, I'm not sure). Data and the Doctor, as I mentioned before, would get along well because they're the true geniuses of the team. Come to think of it, Data would get along with everyone well. I'm not sure how Max would take all of this (owing to the fact that I haven't actually read the books), and Jason Bourne would just be all chill all the time. They would fly around in the TARDIS (Ha! it actually does have the right number of pilots now! [<--- Doctor Who reference]) and fight all the antagonists of the universe.

Note: Many may think that I have missed the obvious choice of Katniss for the female Avengerer, but—just—no. No. The Hunger Games will not be observed in this team of pure awesomeness. It just doesn't belong. Sorry. The book was good. It was good, just not, well, that good.

So that's that. Tell me if I missed anyone. 'Til then, have a fantastic life.





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